Pregnancy is back breaking work for men

So I've got another funny story to tell and before I go any further I just want the ladies out there to know that I did secure permission from all involved parties to tell it. I also want to make it known to all the world that my wife Sharaze is very petite and lovely and beautiful and the most wonderful thing that has ever happened to me. She is currently a tiny pregnant flower of a woman and I am in awe of her glory and splendor. So I don't want to hear any whining about how mean and insensitive I am. :P

This past Sunday we headed out to church and moved on up to the balcony area to sit with BC and Stephanie Chamberlain. And Aedin too! (Their new baby boy who is ridiculously cute and fuzzy.) The seats in this place are kinda like movie seats. You know, the ones that are bolted together and the seats fold down. Well it would have been too much trouble to walk all the way down to the end of the row and then up the row (past 3 people) to sit with them, so we decided we would just step over the seats. No big deal for me at least. One leg over the seat and I'm there.

But not for Sharaze. Being a bit under 5' would not allow her leg to make it all the way over the chair back and down to the floor. Add onto the short leg situation a belly full of 22 week old baby girl and now you're talking about performing serious acrobatic maneuvers with the grace of a tranquilized grizzly bear.

So being the loving and sensitive husband I am, I turn around to give her a hand. She put one of her arms on my shoulder to steady herself, steps over the back of the seat, places her foot on the seat cushion and lurches forward.

I still don't know exactly what happened next, but as she starts to come down she kind of tips back a bit. At that point somewhere in my shoulder area things went horribly wrong. There was this sudden and sharp pain that shot through my neck and all the way up the back of my head! I have never felt anything quite like it. Literally, the scalp and muscles of my skull felt like they had been yanked down by the hand of the devil himself! No kidding!

The point is it hurt pretty frickin' bad and I couldn't really turn my head for a while there. I didn't know whether to laugh or start cussing, but since it was church I opted for some quiet chuckling. Sharaze was cool about it and I was glad because I didn't want to act like this horrible never before experienced pain had been caused by her recent...growth. But it was all funny in the end and the pain finally went away after 3 bottles of wine. So all's well that ends well.

And so, the moral of this story is that guys should never ever attempt to hoist their pregnant wives over things. Make 'em walk. It's good for them and healthy for you too!