So a couple of months in, here's some of the fun stuff I'm learning along the way:
1) While showering your child, hold them facing away from you so that when they pee (which they WILL do) the pee stream is heading in a direction that is not your face. Babies seem to aim for the eyes...
2) If your child is engaged in some behavior or activity that is pleasing to you, DO NOT SAY ANYTHING ABOUT IT. For example, if your baby has gone to sleep and by some miracle is still sleeping silently after 3 minutes, do not say anything about it. If you then say "She seems to finally be asleep", this is the moment the universe will punish you and the baby will wake up screeching and pooping.
3) Baby crying is oftentimes quite funny and you and others can get quite a kick laughing at their cute little whimpering. However, this rule is not in effect after midnight. At that point, baby cries are hideous works of unholy demonic pain that induce you to invent new swear words.
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