Fun Times at the Beach! Mostly...

Oh, man. It's almost mid-June and I am still blogging May!! This is why we waited until June to do Autumn's birthday party. May is just such a crazy month. But fun! Check these guys out chillin' on the beach. Beach bums!

It wasn't all relaxation, though. Autumn loves to swim. Here she is practicing her back stroke in the ocean. Not too shabby! It's enough to alllllmost make me wish we had a pool at the house. Except no. Because I am way too lazy for that.

The littlest Colleys got in on the beach action, too. Hudson played in the sand...

And so did this little miss! It seriously seems like just yesterday we were taking pictures of Autumn in the sand being cute.

I just made the mistake of looking at old photos and now I am all nostalgic and sad because OMG WHAT THE HECK WHEN WAS SHE THIS SMALLLLLLLL. Autumn was only 17 months old here.

Siiiiigh. Well, Ellie took to the ocean more smoothly than Autumn did. Autumn wasn't a fan of the noise for a long time. Look at how cute Ellie and Kyle are here.

That face!!!

And look at these lovely ladies. It's so funny because when people see Autumn with me but they don't see Mike, they think she's my twin. But, I think it's only because they haven't seen her with the Colleys.

Oh, wait. The picture wasn't quite right. BAM! KIRI THE KIWI TIME.

We really had a great weekend at the beach. My only regret is that I didn't get a family photo this time around! Mike's eyelid was either sunburned or bitten so his poor eye swelled nearly shut. He, for obvious reasons, completely shunned the camera. Well, except for this. He crashed at the family reunion because he had to take a benadryl late in the day.

Keep an eye on Passing Pinwheels! I have some fun things coming up about Autumn's birthday and Tamara's wedding. Plus, Friday was, if you can believe it, what would have been Garrett's third birthday. Time flies, doesn't it? Anyway, next week here on Tales from Our Life, it's Autumn's dance recital!

A Different Kind of Celebration...

Hello, friends! If you haven't been following along at Passing Pinwheels, stop in and read a little! We've have had a Week of Celebration with guest posts to commemorate Garrett's birthday:

Day one: Tamara shares powerful excerpts from her journal the week of June 5.
Day two: Mike writes a post of thanks and comfort celebrating Garrett's birthday.
Day three: Cathy tells us some of her story and how God gives us peace even in the midst of pain.
Day four: Penny looks to the future and shares a sweet poem.
Day five: Not a guest post because, well, we almost set the cemetery on fire trying to launch a sky lantern!
Day six: Eric brings a friend and father's perspective and shares an encouraging word.

I am so happy to say I have three more posts from friends to share this week. Our mourning may not exactly be dancing but this week has been more of a blessing from friends than a week of tears. Thank you all for your prayers, love and support over this last year!

Memorial Day and Autumn's Photography Debut!

I took a bit of a blogging vacation last week!! I think everyone else did, too, because I didn't get half a dozen emails and text asking where the post was, hahaha. Thank you for your patience! And once you're done here, check out these things at Passing Pinwheels:

Today: Autumn has the joy
Flip Flop to Adopt Fundraiser: If you haven't seen the final tally of our FF2A fundraiser, you must click here and then share what God has done for us THROUGH YOU with everyone you can!!
Last: More Sunshine and Lemonade!

To the beach pics!


We got to go back to Lainey and P'd's condo in Florida! It was just the 5 of us and then Lauren and Brad joined us for a couple of days. Kyle, Lindsay, Ryan, Leah & co. stayed with Kyle and Leah's parents down the street. It's really cool that everyone tends to vacation near each other! We even got to have a Colley Reunion with Mike's dad's family last Sunday in the condo's common area. Aside from visiting with friends and family, we got a LOT of beach and water time. The ocean was beautiful and warm. I'm not really into water but I actually spent quite a bit of time in it this trip!


Autumn was a little fish. She gets more brave every time we come to the beach! We had her swimming between us and P'd taught her how to swim parallel to the beach to get back to it easily. Safety first!


I giggled when I saw this picture of Lainey and Lauren. :D


Autumn spent very little time on the sand. Rafts, floating, boogies boards, people's shoulders...she totally didn't care. She just wanted to be in the water!


This face tickled me.


Lauren is in nursing school and things are pretty crazy for her so I'm glad we got to spend some time with her this trip! She was still studious--even on the beach!


One of the best times of the trip was getting to see our old friends Robyn and Zachariah. We also got to meet their kids for the first time! This is John Benjamin and LOOK AT THOSE EYELASHES! He and Autumn had a great time together and I cannot believe how grown up he is--he's only 2.5 and held his own with Autumn no problem! His little brother Jason was a sweetheart the entire time.


This is a photo of fun being had. We haven't see Robyn and Zachariah since like 2009 so I'm glad they made the hour and a half drive to hang out with us and then have lunch with us, Mike's family, and Kyle and Leah's family. It was a condo-full for sure!


Mike and I decided to be complete and total nerds and we took our computers to the beach. hahaha! We had a lot of fun playing Diablo together (our mother's day and father's day gifts to each other!) but I am SO GLAD I had the computer with me to do all the flip flop fundraiser work. I could have done it on my phone or Mike's work ipad but I am glad I didn't have to (yes, yes, first world problems but really, what of my problems aren't?? very few).


Ok, last set of pics! This year, our birthday gift to Autumn was a kid's camera. She was always running around pretending to take photos and wanting to use my camera so I thought it'd be a good first hobby! She's so fun to watch and I love downloading the pictures so I can see the world through her eyes. She took this picture of the beach from the condo's balcony.


I LOVE this. Lainey got a step stool so she could wash her hands and brush her teeth on her own. She was so excited she had to snap a picture of herself in the mirror.


I almost wonder if a grownup took this one since it's so not blurry but isn't it pretty? Not too bad for a $30 kiddie camera!!

I'm sure there will be more Autumn pictures to come but how fun is it that this is her first set of blog pictures??

By the way, keep an eye on Passing Pinwheels this week. We'll be commemorating Garrett's would-have-been first birthday with guest posts.

A Weekend of Remembrance

Part of this week was pretty normal. Autumn actually napped at school on Tuesday. Seriously, this is something she hasn't done in...well...possibly ever? So we celebrated by going to Jerry's to get a snow cone. Terrible idea. About 50 other people had the same idea--including a daycare! Fortunately the daycare had phoned in their order. Anyway, Autumn was all "I want a rainbow!" So we waited in line in the blazing sun and then ate our snow cones in the air conditioned car. It felt vaguely wrong.


My mom came over Wednesday. Autumn got a pedicure. She's pretty stylish right now because mom put this crackle nail polish on her toes. When Autumn first saw the polish breaking up she said, "you messed up!"


Thursday I got to spend some time with Elizabeth Wiggs and we talked about everything from adoption to photography. I haven't had a chance to play much with what she showed me but hopefully next blog post I'll have some fun pictures.

Friday was Garrett's due date. I expected the day to be really hard but I'd had such a good day with Elizabeth and had a great day planned Friday that it really wasn't that bad. In the morning Autumn and I ran errands and visited with Stephan and his family. And that night, Penny and Cathy and I went out and just had a really great time. It was so nice to catch up with them, talk a little about Garrett, and just celebrate his little life. Really, I have some of the best friends ever. Oh, and this week I ordered a few birth announcements for Garrett just to give to our parents and to put it in the memory box I am making. I made it because I couldn't find a non-picture announcement that I liked and didn't cost entirely too much.


Saturday, Mike and I went to the cemetery to visit Garrett's grave. It was really, really sad because we got there right as a funeral had ended...a little girl was buried next to Garrett. We walked around a bit, looking at the gravestones, talking about why things happen the way they do, and we put together a pinwheel for Garrett.


The last thing we did this weekend to remember Garrett was take some treats and a thank you note up to the hospital for the nurses who took care of me while I was in the hospital. They were so great and I'm glad we finally got around to taking care of that.

So that's our week. I think Mike might do a post later this week so I'll leave it there. I was going to end this one with a verse we saw on one of the other stones at the cemetery. It was pretty awesome but Mike and I can't remember enough of it to find it online. Next time I'll take a picture or write it down. So, I'll end with some lyrics from Twila Paris. My friend Matt's mom brought over the cd. I haven't been able to bring myself to listen to the song yet but I did read the lyrics...

Visitor From Heaven
A visitor from Heaven
If only for a while
A gift of love to be returned
We think of you and smile

A visitor from Heaven
Accompanied by grace
Reminding of a better love
And of a better place

With aching hearts and empty arms
We send you with a name
It hurts so much to let you go
But we're so glad you came
We're so glad you came

A visitor from Heaven
If only for a day
We thank Him for the time He gave
And now it's time to say
We trust you to the Father's love
And to His tender care
Held in the everlasting arms
And we're so glad you're there
We're so glad you're there

With breaking hearts and open hands
We send you with a name
It hurts so much to let you go
But we're so glad you came
We're so glad you came


Thank you all for your prayers, emails, and texts this week. We couldn't do this without you.

Father's Day

Thanks to everyone who has called, emailed, and commented over the last couple of weeks since we lost Garrett. You guys have been such a support and I can't tell you how much you all mean to us.

I have to say that I was dreading today a little bit. I thought it would be a really hard day but it ended up being a pretty good day. Autumn was super sweet and snuggly so we had a nice morning of donuts (thanks, Aunt Penny!) and just being comfy, as Autumn would say. We gave Mike his present which was just a card we made him and a pre-order receipt for the next Dresden Files book by Jim Butcher.

We had lunch with Mike's family. I didn't get any pictures because the day just didn't go as planned, poor Papa D. The air conditioner broke so he spent the afternoon fixing it, except for when he ate lunch and then came back in for dessert. Mike and I ended up grilling the steaks for him. Fortunately, we did a decent job. :P It was late when we got home so Miss Autumn only got to take a short nap. When she woke up she was super pitiful and just moved from her bed to sitting on the couch wrapped in a blanket.


But! Aunt Penny came to the rescue. She got a car seat for her nephew and Autumn to use and was so excited about it that she came to pick us up and take us to TCBY. Autumn perked up after that. :)


Later in the night, Mike and Autumn read together on the sofa. It's funny, I have something like 3 photos of them reading together in various places over the last week.


Anyway, happy Father's Day to all you dads out there. I'm especially thankful for all the dads in my life. Most of you know I lost my dad 5 years ago and that we had a pretty rocky relationship when he was alive. I cannot tell you how grateful I am for all the men who have stepped into the role of dad in my life and who are wonderful uncles and grandfathers to Autumn. I mean, I have Stephan who has totally been there for me through good times and bad. And Boppa who always makes me smile (if you see him ask him about his battle against the wheelbarrow, hahaha). And the super awesome Papa D who is the first person Mike and I go to for advice and the first person I think of when I read Psalm 1:1-3.



Mike, I'm super blessed to have you. I'm going to miss having you at home when you go back to work because you're my favorite person to spend time with. You're such a good papa and I see how hard you work to be your best for us.

Here's Mike helping Autumn fly a kite for the first time.




And later in the beach trip, Autumn woke up all grouchy and stuff. All she wanted was to sit next to her papa and scowl. :) He was having some alone time with his coffee so it worked out well for them both.


And so, that's Father's Day for us. Everything else is moving along. I'm healing slowly. I still hobble about and get tired after doing things like, say, walking down the hall. It's frustrating for me but I know that it'll just take some time.

And for those of you who have asked about Autumn, she's handling things as well as a four year old can. She forgets from time to time and pats my tummy and asks about Garrett but then she'll catch herself and say, "my baby is in heaven." We have a sweet little miss.


Hugs and thanks to all of you.

And the world goes on...

Man, when I sat down here I thought, "I got this." I've been planning what to write here for a few days but sitting down to actually do it? Not quite the clinical experience I was hoping for so we're going to do this ripping off the bandaid style...

Last Sunday morning I went to the hospital with what I thought was a kidney stone or urinary tract infection only to find out that had we lost baby Garrett after something called a placental abruption. Apparently, I had a major blood pressure event that caused the placenta to tear away from the uterus. The only symptom I had was an intense backache so you can imagine that they told us they couldn't find a heartbeat and they needed to focus on saving me, we were...well, the world changes so fast.

I still haven't wrapped my head around this. I've always been so fit and cautious about my health. But they tell me that had I been a little less fit or a little later to the hospital, I might have gone into renal failure and ended up on dialysis, or worse. As it was, I lost nearly half my blood volume and got close enough to a hysterectomy that they opened me up Monday night but ended up not having to do it. I'm also on blood pressure medicine, hopefully temporarily.

Anyway, I'm sure I will talk more about all that later but for now, I just would like to tell you about Garrett:

He was born around 1am Monday, June 6. Oddly, Autumn's due date was June 6, 2007. He had black hair, all fuzzy and monkey-esque. He was 4 pounds, 9 ounces, and 19.5 inches tall--one inch longer than Autumn was. Mike, my mom, Lainey, Papa D, my sister and I got to hold him for a little while after the nurses dressed him in his little bunny outfit. He was beautiful.

We buried him Saturday morning at Memorial Park where Mike and I had our engagement pictures what seems like a thousand years ago. I wanted him to be somewhere pretty and where we had happy memories and I am so glad it worked out. There was a service for family and close friends that was a little larger than I expected and Mark, the children's pastor at Fellowship, did an amazing job sharing scripture and celebrating the incredible impact that someone who only lived 35 weeks had on the lives of those around him. There's a verse from Isaiah he shared that I can't remember but I'll share it once I get it from him. One I do remember is from Zephaniah and my friend Christy Edwards shared it with me:
The Lord your God is with you, He is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you; He will quiet you with His love; He will rejoice over you with singing.

I desperately wish that I could have Garrett here on my lap now, but I'm also so glad that I believe in something bigger than me. Mike and I like to think of Garrett in heaven with Jesus, that he won't feel pain or sadness or get in trouble or anything like that. We like to think of how we'll see him again, transfigured and everything God intended Man to be. I don't think I could cope if I didn't truly believe that there's a greater Plan with an ultimately good God behind it. The verse that Mike clings to is Romans 8:28:
And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

Since last Sunday, Mike and I have clung closer together. We appreciate so, so much about our life:
we have incredible friends.
our family is possibly the best family ever.
we have the coolest daughter ever.
there's no one in the world we'd rather endure this with than each other.

I told Mike this morning that if baby Garrett's life does nothing else but draw us all closer to each other and closer to God, nothing else but make his mama and papa love each other and appreciate each other more than ever, then that's a darn good legacy for a baby.

Thank you all for your support, prayers, love, acts of service, and the list goes on. There were times this week that nothing else was holding us up but your love and prayers and we thank you, thank you, thank you.

Remember, Christina Rosetti

REMEMBER me when I am gone away,    
Gone far away into the silent land;    
When you can no more hold me by the hand,    
Nor I half turn to go, yet turning stay.    
Remember me when no more day by day  
You tell me of our future that you plann'd:    
Only remember me; you understand    
It will be late to counsel then or pray.    
Yet if you should forget me for a while    
And afterwards remember, do not grieve: 
For if the darkness and corruption leave    
A vestige of the thoughts that once I had,    
Better by far you should forget and smile    
Than that you should remember and be sad. 

Back from the Beach!

Hello, hello! We just got back from our first vacation together in a couple of years! Last year, Autumn and I spent Memorial Day weekend with Mike's family in Florida and this year Mike got to join us. It was seriously a great trip that we all needed.

Autumn was way pumped about going to the beach and has been incessantly talking about how she was going swim, play in the sand, and build a castle with P'd. Honestly, I didn't entirely believe her because, historically, she'll get really excited about stuff like this and then have a heart attack when the reality actually appears. Here she is being excited:


And, what do you know? My little big girl frolicked in the waves like she does it every day.


She's still not quite as comfortable rolling around in the water as Tyler is. He was hilarious to watch running through the surf. Autumn played like a madwoman until she got NAILED by a wave and then she got a little more cautious. I shouldn't have laughed but I totally did. This is a bit before the wipeout. You can tell because she's standing there without someone holding her hand. :D


I don't know why, but I really like this picture. Also, this is swimsuit number 2 of 5, hahaha. Nothing like having enough swimsuits to put on a dry one post-nap!


Okay, how crazy is this? This is Autumn. Walking. in. the. pool. When did she get so big???


For real, guys. She's growing up so darn fast. This was also the first summer she's gone without any kind of swimmy diaper/pullups.


Anyway, I have more pictures but I'll have to post them later. Here's a quick pic of the sunset Friday night...it was really beautiful. I came back inside and told Mike I thought I might need to learn some more about my camera to take good sunset photos.


And, just as a quick baby update for some of you guys who haven't heard: I saw the high risk doctor last week because baby Garrett had dropped in the weight percentiles again and because the cyst on the placenta is still there. The doctor was super, super nice and so was the ultrasound lady who took about 45 minutes on my ultrasound--crazy stuff! It sounds like I don't need to stay with the high risk doctor because although the percentages are down, they aren't low enough to be concerned. He also thinks that the cyst is just an anomaly that isn't going to cause any actual problems. I see my doctor again Thursday so I'll get her take on things then. In the meantime, I am feeling pretty decent except that my legs and feet are swelling like craaaazy. And Autumn is getting really excited about baby Garrett getting here. She spent a good chunk of the trip hovering over Hudson, which was sweet.


Until next time!

Autumn has an announcement:

So, there you go...baby name! We've known for a while but kept forgetting to video her saying the name, haha. The story is that we were keeping a shared Google doc with boy names we liked. Mike kind of wanted something nature-y but, really, it's hard to find nature names for a boy if one is not a hippie or Native American. And the one name we did like, Ashe or Asher, just didn't sound right with Colley. Well, one night, Tamara and I were looking at names and she mentioned Garrett. I liked it and added it to the list. Long story short, have some chat logs:

Mike: Did you put down "Garrett" as a name?

me: yes. is that one you like? or don't like?

Mike: I was about to put that down.

me: oh, cool

what made you think of it?

Mike: I'm going through the list of all the names in my mail server.

And the next day:
me: is garrett your favorite name right now?

Mike: Kinda mebee?

me: i don't remember if it means anything

Mike: Rule of Spear

me: other than, "it sounds nice with colley"rule of spear? well, that's a very kali name

Mike: Mighty with a spearme: i can dig it

Couple more days and conversations later, we added Michael (Autumn's middle name is Rose which is also my middle name) and voila! Baby name! And it was way, way easier than I was expecting it to be.

Today was our 3d ultrasound and...it was weird. :) We brought Autumn and she did great although she's still trying to figure out how some gel and a wand made pictures on the screen. She took one of the pictures and put it in a magnetic frame on the fridge that Penny gave her about a month ago. We didn't get a 3d with Autumn so this was a totally new experience. It's crazy because it's so vivid but at the same time we are now afraid he might be ugly, LOL. In a couple of the pictures, he looks like a creepy old man with a freakishly large schnozz. But in a few of the photos, he looks like me or Donnie. Mike took one look at the first face shot and said, "that's your family's nose." Hahahaha. He's right. But, Autumn had a very my side of the family nose when she was born and it seems to be okay so maybe baby Garrett won't be grossly out of proportion. And if he is, we'll just make sure he's confident and dresses well. :P Anyway, have the least disturbing photo of the bunch:


Ok, that one's pretty cute. Also cute? He kept sticking his tongue out at us.

So, that's all the good stuff. We do have a couple of prayer requests. Because of Autumn's growth restriction issues, they have been keeping a vague eye on this baby's weight. The general consensus has been that there's unlikely to be an issue since his umbilical cord is fine (hers only had two vessels) but if there's any kind of history like that, they check just to be safe. Last time, he was in the 36th percentile. This time he was at the 23rd. They aren't crazy concerned that he's small because, seriously, I'm not exactly a big person but the doctor does want to make sure that he's not on a steady downward decline, as opposed to it being a normal fluctuation. I will go back in two weeks for another weight check and then they'll decide what to do from there, depending on the results.

Autumn, covered in spaghetti sauce and practicing her skills on baby Hudson.


Another thing they'll be checking in on is a cyst in the placenta. The doctor said she genuinely has no idea what it might be, if anything, but she doesn't seem too worried. It might resolve itself like the one on the umbilical cord from early in the pregnancy. If it's still there in two weeks, she's going to send me over to the high risk doc I saw with Autumn just to check it out and make sure it isn't causing any problems.

All in all, though, things are looking good! Couple of little blips but so far nothing too crazy. I'll update everyone after the next ultrasound in 2 weeks.

Next post: party pics!