And the world goes on...

Man, when I sat down here I thought, "I got this." I've been planning what to write here for a few days but sitting down to actually do it? Not quite the clinical experience I was hoping for so we're going to do this ripping off the bandaid style...

Last Sunday morning I went to the hospital with what I thought was a kidney stone or urinary tract infection only to find out that had we lost baby Garrett after something called a placental abruption. Apparently, I had a major blood pressure event that caused the placenta to tear away from the uterus. The only symptom I had was an intense backache so you can imagine that they told us they couldn't find a heartbeat and they needed to focus on saving me, we were...well, the world changes so fast.

I still haven't wrapped my head around this. I've always been so fit and cautious about my health. But they tell me that had I been a little less fit or a little later to the hospital, I might have gone into renal failure and ended up on dialysis, or worse. As it was, I lost nearly half my blood volume and got close enough to a hysterectomy that they opened me up Monday night but ended up not having to do it. I'm also on blood pressure medicine, hopefully temporarily.

Anyway, I'm sure I will talk more about all that later but for now, I just would like to tell you about Garrett:

He was born around 1am Monday, June 6. Oddly, Autumn's due date was June 6, 2007. He had black hair, all fuzzy and monkey-esque. He was 4 pounds, 9 ounces, and 19.5 inches tall--one inch longer than Autumn was. Mike, my mom, Lainey, Papa D, my sister and I got to hold him for a little while after the nurses dressed him in his little bunny outfit. He was beautiful.

We buried him Saturday morning at Memorial Park where Mike and I had our engagement pictures what seems like a thousand years ago. I wanted him to be somewhere pretty and where we had happy memories and I am so glad it worked out. There was a service for family and close friends that was a little larger than I expected and Mark, the children's pastor at Fellowship, did an amazing job sharing scripture and celebrating the incredible impact that someone who only lived 35 weeks had on the lives of those around him. There's a verse from Isaiah he shared that I can't remember but I'll share it once I get it from him. One I do remember is from Zephaniah and my friend Christy Edwards shared it with me:
The Lord your God is with you, He is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you; He will quiet you with His love; He will rejoice over you with singing.

I desperately wish that I could have Garrett here on my lap now, but I'm also so glad that I believe in something bigger than me. Mike and I like to think of Garrett in heaven with Jesus, that he won't feel pain or sadness or get in trouble or anything like that. We like to think of how we'll see him again, transfigured and everything God intended Man to be. I don't think I could cope if I didn't truly believe that there's a greater Plan with an ultimately good God behind it. The verse that Mike clings to is Romans 8:28:
And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

Since last Sunday, Mike and I have clung closer together. We appreciate so, so much about our life:
we have incredible friends.
our family is possibly the best family ever.
we have the coolest daughter ever.
there's no one in the world we'd rather endure this with than each other.

I told Mike this morning that if baby Garrett's life does nothing else but draw us all closer to each other and closer to God, nothing else but make his mama and papa love each other and appreciate each other more than ever, then that's a darn good legacy for a baby.

Thank you all for your support, prayers, love, acts of service, and the list goes on. There were times this week that nothing else was holding us up but your love and prayers and we thank you, thank you, thank you.

Remember, Christina Rosetti

REMEMBER me when I am gone away,    
Gone far away into the silent land;    
When you can no more hold me by the hand,    
Nor I half turn to go, yet turning stay.    
Remember me when no more day by day  
You tell me of our future that you plann'd:    
Only remember me; you understand    
It will be late to counsel then or pray.    
Yet if you should forget me for a while    
And afterwards remember, do not grieve: 
For if the darkness and corruption leave    
A vestige of the thoughts that once I had,    
Better by far you should forget and smile    
Than that you should remember and be sad. 

Back from the Beach!

Hello, hello! We just got back from our first vacation together in a couple of years! Last year, Autumn and I spent Memorial Day weekend with Mike's family in Florida and this year Mike got to join us. It was seriously a great trip that we all needed.

Autumn was way pumped about going to the beach and has been incessantly talking about how she was going swim, play in the sand, and build a castle with P'd. Honestly, I didn't entirely believe her because, historically, she'll get really excited about stuff like this and then have a heart attack when the reality actually appears. Here she is being excited:


And, what do you know? My little big girl frolicked in the waves like she does it every day.


She's still not quite as comfortable rolling around in the water as Tyler is. He was hilarious to watch running through the surf. Autumn played like a madwoman until she got NAILED by a wave and then she got a little more cautious. I shouldn't have laughed but I totally did. This is a bit before the wipeout. You can tell because she's standing there without someone holding her hand. :D


I don't know why, but I really like this picture. Also, this is swimsuit number 2 of 5, hahaha. Nothing like having enough swimsuits to put on a dry one post-nap!


Okay, how crazy is this? This is Autumn. Walking. in. the. pool. When did she get so big???


For real, guys. She's growing up so darn fast. This was also the first summer she's gone without any kind of swimmy diaper/pullups.


Anyway, I have more pictures but I'll have to post them later. Here's a quick pic of the sunset Friday night...it was really beautiful. I came back inside and told Mike I thought I might need to learn some more about my camera to take good sunset photos.


And, just as a quick baby update for some of you guys who haven't heard: I saw the high risk doctor last week because baby Garrett had dropped in the weight percentiles again and because the cyst on the placenta is still there. The doctor was super, super nice and so was the ultrasound lady who took about 45 minutes on my ultrasound--crazy stuff! It sounds like I don't need to stay with the high risk doctor because although the percentages are down, they aren't low enough to be concerned. He also thinks that the cyst is just an anomaly that isn't going to cause any actual problems. I see my doctor again Thursday so I'll get her take on things then. In the meantime, I am feeling pretty decent except that my legs and feet are swelling like craaaazy. And Autumn is getting really excited about baby Garrett getting here. She spent a good chunk of the trip hovering over Hudson, which was sweet.


Until next time!

So much for lazy days...

It's been a crazy week with appointments and meetings and stuff...next week is just as crazy. I wonder why it happens that way? Nothing for a while and then pow SO MUCH TO DO.

I don't have pictures of this, but last weekend I went to what's probably my last martial arts seminar until after baby Garrett arrives. I wish I did have pictures though because they are probably hilarious. We did some really fun stuff with the guys from Innovative Martial Arts in Michigan, the same group whose seminar I attended back in September. Saturday I didn't do a whole lot other than videotape because the Sunday material is what I really wanted to do. Even so, that was a lot of walking and standing and both nights I ended up zombie walking around and counting the moments until Autumn went to bed and I could go soak my old bones in the tub, hahaha.

Later in the week, we took Molly to a new vet. Some of you have read about this on facebook and I'm sorry for the repeat but it's just so funny. She did great. I just dropped her off to be groomed and get the shots all at once and she was really chill when I picked her up. They suggested that I get her teeth cleaned for the first time in 8 years so I set that up for Friday. When I picked her up, the lady was all, "your cat is so sweet, I bet you can brush her teeth regularly on your own." I laughed. And laughed. Because, seriously. This is how most people think of Molly:


I've heard more than one person lament that she's so pretty and yet so evil. I mean, she has her moments and she's way better with Autumn than I would have imagined but...dude. This is Molly. Even Mike said he's rather spend the cash to have someone else brush her teeth rather than try it himself and Molly likes Mike.

That same day, Autumn and I went to the dentist, too. It was her first time and she did better than I expected. If you ask her how she did, she'll tell you, "I was very brave." She showed how she brushes her teeth and then they brushed her teeth for her. She got her teeth counted (20) and picked out a toothbrush. I was surprised. I thought for sure she'd get a princess toothbrush but she ended choosing a Sesame Street one. She likes Zoe. She also really liked the "tiny toothpaste" that she got. It's crazy because I remember when she only had like one tooth...
'

Apparently her one tooth stage was also her chunky monkey stage. :D

On a completely different note, I've had the urge to make lumpia for a while now. This weekend I finally managed to actually follow through. It's kind of an involved process but it's so worth it. If you've never had lumpia, you simply must sometime. I couldn't find spring roll wrappers at the store, which was weird. So I ended up going to the mexican korean market. I love going there because it's so random but the store isn't in an area I'm in much so I don't get there often enough. This trip, I ran across this tea and was so tickled I emailed a picture to Mike.


Vigorous Man Tea. :D

Anyway, I haven't made lumpia in over a year so there are some tweaks I need to make but it was pretty good. Autumn thought so, at least. I don't know why but I thought she was hilarious at dinner. She loves rice so she was shoveling it down like she'd never eat again. She kept saying, "mmmm, num num." And even though she rarely asks for seconds, she wanted more lumpia. And her hair...well...


Next week should be a crazy week but in a good way...we're closing on the house in Lakeland tomorrow, yay! I have my ultrasound and Autumn has her 4 year appointment. We also have some other fun stuff planned but I'll wait to blog about THAT next week.

What does it mean to be all girl?

For Autumn, it means she loves pink, chocolate, cats, getting dirty in the garden, chocolate milk, painting, aikido, her octopus shirt, her "best friend" Tyler, school, music, Little Einsteins and Belle.



She is tough and silly and always wants bandaids. She is right handed but kicks a ball and dribbles with her left side. She likes to look at herself in the mirror and, lately, shadow boxes with her reflection in the oven.

Like her papa, she can be a little anti-social and usually needs some time to warm up to a crowd or a new person. And like her mama, she loves a party and can be very opinionated. Her mama wanted to give her a princess party this year, but this year, she asked for a Little Einsteins party. She wanted a cake.


And ice cream and juice.


She wanted Little Einstein plates and napkin, party hats...


and blowers.


She wanted friends both from church


and from school.




And so it was.

Happy birthday to our spunky, funky, silly, slightly high strung, strange mix of tough and delicate, busy, lively, doesn't-fit-in-a-box little monkey!

Autumn has an announcement:

So, there you go...baby name! We've known for a while but kept forgetting to video her saying the name, haha. The story is that we were keeping a shared Google doc with boy names we liked. Mike kind of wanted something nature-y but, really, it's hard to find nature names for a boy if one is not a hippie or Native American. And the one name we did like, Ashe or Asher, just didn't sound right with Colley. Well, one night, Tamara and I were looking at names and she mentioned Garrett. I liked it and added it to the list. Long story short, have some chat logs:

Mike: Did you put down "Garrett" as a name?

me: yes. is that one you like? or don't like?

Mike: I was about to put that down.

me: oh, cool

what made you think of it?

Mike: I'm going through the list of all the names in my mail server.

And the next day:
me: is garrett your favorite name right now?

Mike: Kinda mebee?

me: i don't remember if it means anything

Mike: Rule of Spear

me: other than, "it sounds nice with colley"rule of spear? well, that's a very kali name

Mike: Mighty with a spearme: i can dig it

Couple more days and conversations later, we added Michael (Autumn's middle name is Rose which is also my middle name) and voila! Baby name! And it was way, way easier than I was expecting it to be.

Today was our 3d ultrasound and...it was weird. :) We brought Autumn and she did great although she's still trying to figure out how some gel and a wand made pictures on the screen. She took one of the pictures and put it in a magnetic frame on the fridge that Penny gave her about a month ago. We didn't get a 3d with Autumn so this was a totally new experience. It's crazy because it's so vivid but at the same time we are now afraid he might be ugly, LOL. In a couple of the pictures, he looks like a creepy old man with a freakishly large schnozz. But in a few of the photos, he looks like me or Donnie. Mike took one look at the first face shot and said, "that's your family's nose." Hahahaha. He's right. But, Autumn had a very my side of the family nose when she was born and it seems to be okay so maybe baby Garrett won't be grossly out of proportion. And if he is, we'll just make sure he's confident and dresses well. :P Anyway, have the least disturbing photo of the bunch:


Ok, that one's pretty cute. Also cute? He kept sticking his tongue out at us.

So, that's all the good stuff. We do have a couple of prayer requests. Because of Autumn's growth restriction issues, they have been keeping a vague eye on this baby's weight. The general consensus has been that there's unlikely to be an issue since his umbilical cord is fine (hers only had two vessels) but if there's any kind of history like that, they check just to be safe. Last time, he was in the 36th percentile. This time he was at the 23rd. They aren't crazy concerned that he's small because, seriously, I'm not exactly a big person but the doctor does want to make sure that he's not on a steady downward decline, as opposed to it being a normal fluctuation. I will go back in two weeks for another weight check and then they'll decide what to do from there, depending on the results.

Autumn, covered in spaghetti sauce and practicing her skills on baby Hudson.


Another thing they'll be checking in on is a cyst in the placenta. The doctor said she genuinely has no idea what it might be, if anything, but she doesn't seem too worried. It might resolve itself like the one on the umbilical cord from early in the pregnancy. If it's still there in two weeks, she's going to send me over to the high risk doc I saw with Autumn just to check it out and make sure it isn't causing any problems.

All in all, though, things are looking good! Couple of little blips but so far nothing too crazy. I'll update everyone after the next ultrasound in 2 weeks.

Next post: party pics!

Happy Mother's Day!

Happy Mother's Day!

We had a fun, if unusually non-Mother's Day-y Mother's Day weekend. Yesterday we had Autumn's birthday party at the Children's Museum. We had a blast and I have a lot of photos to post soon but, oh, man, I am soooo swollen from being on my feet and not drinking enough water. By the time we took this pic, we were all wilting. And Autumn had begun to go feral, ha.


By the way, when I was looking for photos of Autumn with her various mothers, I came across this one of me right before I found out I was pregnant. DO YOU REMEMBER WHEN I LOOKED LIKE THIS? T_T Seriously. I hope my children appreciate the blow to my vanity I am enduring and have endured for them (yes, yes, I'm totally vain, I know!)

From October 2010

:) Don't worry, I'll be okay. I know it is worth it.

Aaaanyway, today we went to church and then got to hang out with Mike's family. Mike went to play golf. He hadn't played in a while and his texts were pretty entertaining:

3:21 pm: 3rd hole and I've lost 4 balls so far. Brutal...

3:28: Man I'm out [of balls]. Gotta hunt for some more. This could be terrible...

From me to Mike: Are they about to die laughing? How's the heat?

3:47 pm: I'm spending a lot of time under trees so the shade is nice.

He did end up calling me at one point to tell me he had made it an entire hole with the same ball and hit par.

While Mike was entertaining the golfers, Autumn slept at Lainey's while I went home to put my feet up. It was very nice. Also very nice is that Lainey managed to take Autumn to Paint a Piece to make me a present and do it in such a way that Autumn never said a word to me. Autumn can't keep quiet about anything, haha. I'll ask her about her day at school and she'll be all, "I played at the gym but I was busy with the ball and didn't hear Miss Courtney so I sat in time out." I was genuinely surprised!

On the other hand, Mike has yet to tell me Happy Mother's Day. We're going to Bahama Breeze later this week which is what I wanted but this morning when I reminded him it was Mother's Day (I tend not to hint or wait to see if he'll remember, haha), he told me he was going to tell me when I was least expecting it. It's aboouuuut 10:43 and we've been teasing him all day that he's going to wake me up at like 11:59pm to tell me or something.

Autumn made me a gift at school that I loved. Her teachers did a questionnaire asking her questions about her mama. Autumn loves me because we make brownies together and her favorite thing to do with me is cook. She says her favorite thing for me to wear is a beautiful dress and pretty shoes, and she likes it when we play princess. My job is to teach the kids and cook. :) I decided to do something similar for nanny and lainey. I didn't do my mom's yet because I knew we wouldn't see her until later this week but I'll report those results, too. Here's a cute picture of my mom and Autumn from yesterday.


Autumn loves Lainey because she likes to spend the night with her. She likes to go to Sonic with her and likes to make Easter eggs with Lainey. Autumn likes it when Lainey wears a grey shirt and says what Lainey always does for her is help her write her name and all the letters. Autumn says that Lainey's job is to "look out the window and bring me breakfast." No one has any idea what that actually means, hahaha. Also, I need more pictures of Lainey and Autumn together.


Autumn loves Nanny because "she helps when people look at me." Autumn likes to touch flowers with Nanny and her favorite place to go with her is trick or treating. Her favorite thing for Nanny to wear is blue. Autumn says that Nanny always gives her cookies and that Nanny's job is making muffins. Also, Nanny calls Autumn stinkerpot.


I've been blessed with some pretty awesome moms through Mike's family! I probably don't say it enough and, to be honest, I haven't the slightest idea how I could ever say it enough, but Nanny and Lainey are the best mother/grandmother in law ever and I appreciate and love them for their roles in making Mike who he is, for accepting me into the family, and for being so amazing and supportive of Autumn. Mike and I say all the time that we hope that we do half as well as his parents and grandparents and that one day our legacy will be as rich and fulfilling as theirs. :D


(our legacy likely won't involve this many children, hahahaha)

The elusive sunny day

I hope this post finds everyone safe. I've gotten a few texts and emails asking how we are and we are fine. We haven't been directly affected by any flooding so far although some of the streets in and out of Germantown are flooded off and on. Ryan and Leah are also okay in Birmingham, thank goodness. Lauren is fine but Tuscaloosa is in pretty rough shape. Mike's parents had their neighborhood garage sale this weekend and are taking the leftover clothing and household items to Tuscaloosa for the people who have lost everything. Brad sent this photo to Mike and it's crazy. The tornado passed right by the condo. Fortunately, Lauren wasn't there or driving there during all of this. The buildings that are standing in the center of the photo are the condos. There used to be businesses and houses where there is now only debris.


Sigh. So much destruction and more to come with these floods.

On a slightly happier note, we took advantage of some nice weather last week and went to the Botanic Gardens again. Autumn and I went with Penny but only really saw the My Big Backyard area. When we went with Mike, we saw most of the Gardens before going to the playground. Mike's favorite area was the Oak Grove.


Happy girl on the bridge.


I think this goose was on a nest? I don't know but it didn't move even when we passed close by. Autumn chose to believe the goose was sitting on eggs. :)


Next time I want to bring food for the fish. They were craaaazy.


We tried to get a picture of Autumn's head next to this flower but it didn't really work out well. Seriously, the flower was huge.


I call this Contemplation on a Boat on Dry Land. Hahaha. Do you like her blue nails? My mom did them. :P She also has flowers on her toenails...they had fun that week with the nail decorating kit I got them for Christmas.


This is Mike ready to go home. :) There weren't any oaks around so he was all done. Aren't those worms on the hill behind him kind of freaky?


We had a good time together. I was surprised that Mike was all for this trip on his Good Friday off but he said he figured it was his last chance for a pleasant outdoor family trip before it got too hot. He's so funny. We are complete seasonal opposites. If it is 75 degrees or above, I am happy. If it is 74 degrees or below, he is happy. Autumn's like Mike so he's been joking that he wants to have me hypnotized to believe I like cold weather. Maybe our new little guy will be like me and then it can be two against two. :D Although maybe it would be two against three since Molly likes colder weather, too. What in the world am I going to do if I'm the lone tropical type in this family of hot people??