A Very Summery Week

The Goal:


The Progress: Today I pushed the cart at Costco. Then I rested on the couch for half an hour to recover.

:P In all seriousness, though, that really is progress. It was kind of funny/weird, by the end of the cart pushing, my legs were so tired. But I guess I can't complain! This past week I seem to have improved quite a bit. No pain pills at all and I can walk farther and do more than one errand at a time. Not too shabby!

It worked out really well that I felt pretty decent this week. Autumn's Mother's Day Out was closed for the week so I planned some things to keep us occupied. We went back to the sprinkler park with a few friends. Autumn had fun playing in the sprinklers but she seemed to most enjoy filling and emptying her bucket. For like half an hour.


Oh, and Monday Nanny and Boppa came over to have dinner with us. While dinner was in the oven (an awesome lasagna that Lainey made us before she went to the beach--thank you!), we played Autumn's Super Why ABC game. Boppa won.


And then after dinner, we skyped with Tyler and the rest of the family who went to Florida. Nanny and Boppa had never skyped before so it was kind of fun to be there for their first time.


We got together with my mom on Saturday. She got Autumn a small pool. At first all Autumn wanted was her watering can so she could return to filling and emptying.


But then she got tired of that and requested some additional toys. I thought she was pretty funny chilling in her ring. After she was done swimming (or, splashing around, really), she carried buckets of water to different plants in the back yard. Yay for chores that seem like playing!


We've been slowly getting back into our old routines. To an extent, at least. Autumn and I went to the dojo Saturday to see whoever showed up for Aikido. It was so nice to see everyone and to be in the dojo, if a little (like everything tends to be lately) bittersweet since I'm not sure when I can train again.

We also went back to church today. Penny came with us and it was so nice to have her there. The sermon series that is starting is wildly appropriate for us: The God of Rest and it is about fear and anxiety. I think I'm going to pick up a copy of the book that they recommended reading as part of this series, Running Scared by Edward Welch.

Well, today before she went to bed, Autumn sat down next to me where I was reading on the couch and said she was going to read me a story. This was her story:

"Today, I am going to tell you a true story about God's love. God loves you. And God loves me. And it's a true story in the Bible. The End."

:) She went on to tell about 6 more stories but that one was the most coherent. I think her sunday school teacher and the storyteller at church would be very pleased that Autumn is paying at least some attention. Such a funny girl.


Hopefully next week I'll have a couple short videos to share with you guys!

Milestones and water time

Today is a momentous day. I made green beans and (instant!) mashed potatoes to go with one of the frozen meals a friend brought over this week. Give me a week or two and I might be making some real meals! See, it's the little things, haha. The doctor also told me my blood is doing a great job recovering and she gave me clearance to stop taking the blood pressure meds I was on. Now the trick is to not regress by trying to do too much...and I very much appreciate Mike who is doing waaay more than he ought to be doing!

Oh, and I hope everyone has had a great Fourth of July weekend. We've mostly been taking it easy and doing stuff like relearning how to play our characters in Warcraft...one of those things that can be a little bittersweet because it's nice to be playing together again (we had taken a break because we were really busy) but it's one of those things that we wouldn't be doing for another couple of months if life had gone according to plan. I did take a break from being a complete nerd yesterday to take Autumn over to Penny's mom's to swim. They showered her with fun and prizes, including her new princess swimming ring which has also made an appearance in the tub and as a doll corral since we brought it home. :)


She and Penny played telephone with a noodle, too.


Penny and Ms. Scarlett even fed us lunch. Autumn had a great time although she was a little weird when she got tired. And later she told Mike, "I had fun but I didn't talk to Penny's mama because I was shy." Before she got really weird, I snapped this one.


Earlier this week, we did some more water playing. A few of us (including Aunt Lindsay) went early Wednesday morning which is when they have an under 6 years old time.


This is a terrible picture of Autumn but you have to see Roxie's face. She really, really wanted a granola bar but she doesn't have, well, molars. So it wasn't happening and she could only gaze longingly at the granola bar.


She had a blast running through the various sprinklers and sprays but by about 11am Autumn was done. The first clue was when she decided to sit on the blanket away from everyone with her back to all of us. :)


Funny girl.

Summer Days

Whew, what a week so far! Last week was Mike's week to dive back into the world and this week is mine. I can drive again and I have the energy to do maybe one big thing a day or a couple big things but sooometimes I miscalculate and overdo a bit. Big shocker, huh? Anyway, Autumn and I have been having a good time together the last couple weeks. I've been trying to make sure that the stuff I do is fun for her, too, so we've been doing things like weeding. I can sit and do it for a half hour or so when it's cool in the morning while she rides her tricycle in the driveway and on the bricks.


:D She usually has her helmet on so I'm not sure why she didn't have it on in this picture...safety first! And then after weeding, we have a popsicle. By the way, the annoying thing about this house? By the time I get around the whole house, I'll have to start over again because the weeds will be back. Sigh.


On the not so fun spectrum, my mom came over last week and gave Autumn a haircut. This is the least angry photo I have of that session.


And this one is just funny. (Don't worry, they did end up having a good time together once Autumn recovered from the trauma of a haircut.)


Some of our friends have been visiting over the last couple of weeks that we've been homebound. Christy brought her girls over and they had a super fun time romping around both inside and outside. I completely forgot to take pictures of that. I did get a couple of photos of Autumn and her friend Ella. They were princesses, had tea time, and attended to the dolls. Autumn is currently going through a Belle phase which is funny considering the movie absolutely terrified her. :P


I'm not sure when she started doing this, but Autumn has been camping in her closet, calling it her "quiet place." How funny is that? She drags all her blankets into the closet and just...sits. Or plays with her ponies.


And, of course, Mike can't not get in on the fun...


One funny thing is that Autumn has started doing the Jaws "da-dum" thing and pretending to be a spider or a monster. Mike says it's because he's been doing it to her when he hunts her down. :) They are cute.

So, this past week has been a really good mix of happy hours and sad moments...makes it easier to deal with the sad times. And even the sad times have mostly been with people who love us but it's the first time we've seen them since we lost Garrett or, in two cases (once for Mike and once for me), friends who hadn't heard yet. Dude. Those are the hardest. But we've survived our first forays into the world. Oh, and I have a nice verse to share. Someone sent me a little charm of a handprint that's for moms who have lost children. I have no idea who it was but if it was anyone who reads here, thank you! This verse was on the card that came in the box:
You saw me before I was born.
Every day of my life was recorded in your book.
Every moment was laid out
before a single day had passed.
Psalm 139:16

Such a comforting thought, isn't it?

Father's Day

Thanks to everyone who has called, emailed, and commented over the last couple of weeks since we lost Garrett. You guys have been such a support and I can't tell you how much you all mean to us.

I have to say that I was dreading today a little bit. I thought it would be a really hard day but it ended up being a pretty good day. Autumn was super sweet and snuggly so we had a nice morning of donuts (thanks, Aunt Penny!) and just being comfy, as Autumn would say. We gave Mike his present which was just a card we made him and a pre-order receipt for the next Dresden Files book by Jim Butcher.

We had lunch with Mike's family. I didn't get any pictures because the day just didn't go as planned, poor Papa D. The air conditioner broke so he spent the afternoon fixing it, except for when he ate lunch and then came back in for dessert. Mike and I ended up grilling the steaks for him. Fortunately, we did a decent job. :P It was late when we got home so Miss Autumn only got to take a short nap. When she woke up she was super pitiful and just moved from her bed to sitting on the couch wrapped in a blanket.


But! Aunt Penny came to the rescue. She got a car seat for her nephew and Autumn to use and was so excited about it that she came to pick us up and take us to TCBY. Autumn perked up after that. :)


Later in the night, Mike and Autumn read together on the sofa. It's funny, I have something like 3 photos of them reading together in various places over the last week.


Anyway, happy Father's Day to all you dads out there. I'm especially thankful for all the dads in my life. Most of you know I lost my dad 5 years ago and that we had a pretty rocky relationship when he was alive. I cannot tell you how grateful I am for all the men who have stepped into the role of dad in my life and who are wonderful uncles and grandfathers to Autumn. I mean, I have Stephan who has totally been there for me through good times and bad. And Boppa who always makes me smile (if you see him ask him about his battle against the wheelbarrow, hahaha). And the super awesome Papa D who is the first person Mike and I go to for advice and the first person I think of when I read Psalm 1:1-3.



Mike, I'm super blessed to have you. I'm going to miss having you at home when you go back to work because you're my favorite person to spend time with. You're such a good papa and I see how hard you work to be your best for us.

Here's Mike helping Autumn fly a kite for the first time.




And later in the beach trip, Autumn woke up all grouchy and stuff. All she wanted was to sit next to her papa and scowl. :) He was having some alone time with his coffee so it worked out well for them both.


And so, that's Father's Day for us. Everything else is moving along. I'm healing slowly. I still hobble about and get tired after doing things like, say, walking down the hall. It's frustrating for me but I know that it'll just take some time.

And for those of you who have asked about Autumn, she's handling things as well as a four year old can. She forgets from time to time and pats my tummy and asks about Garrett but then she'll catch herself and say, "my baby is in heaven." We have a sweet little miss.


Hugs and thanks to all of you.

And the world goes on...

Man, when I sat down here I thought, "I got this." I've been planning what to write here for a few days but sitting down to actually do it? Not quite the clinical experience I was hoping for so we're going to do this ripping off the bandaid style...

Last Sunday morning I went to the hospital with what I thought was a kidney stone or urinary tract infection only to find out that had we lost baby Garrett after something called a placental abruption. Apparently, I had a major blood pressure event that caused the placenta to tear away from the uterus. The only symptom I had was an intense backache so you can imagine that they told us they couldn't find a heartbeat and they needed to focus on saving me, we were...well, the world changes so fast.

I still haven't wrapped my head around this. I've always been so fit and cautious about my health. But they tell me that had I been a little less fit or a little later to the hospital, I might have gone into renal failure and ended up on dialysis, or worse. As it was, I lost nearly half my blood volume and got close enough to a hysterectomy that they opened me up Monday night but ended up not having to do it. I'm also on blood pressure medicine, hopefully temporarily.

Anyway, I'm sure I will talk more about all that later but for now, I just would like to tell you about Garrett:

He was born around 1am Monday, June 6. Oddly, Autumn's due date was June 6, 2007. He had black hair, all fuzzy and monkey-esque. He was 4 pounds, 9 ounces, and 19.5 inches tall--one inch longer than Autumn was. Mike, my mom, Lainey, Papa D, my sister and I got to hold him for a little while after the nurses dressed him in his little bunny outfit. He was beautiful.

We buried him Saturday morning at Memorial Park where Mike and I had our engagement pictures what seems like a thousand years ago. I wanted him to be somewhere pretty and where we had happy memories and I am so glad it worked out. There was a service for family and close friends that was a little larger than I expected and Mark, the children's pastor at Fellowship, did an amazing job sharing scripture and celebrating the incredible impact that someone who only lived 35 weeks had on the lives of those around him. There's a verse from Isaiah he shared that I can't remember but I'll share it once I get it from him. One I do remember is from Zephaniah and my friend Christy Edwards shared it with me:
The Lord your God is with you, He is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you; He will quiet you with His love; He will rejoice over you with singing.

I desperately wish that I could have Garrett here on my lap now, but I'm also so glad that I believe in something bigger than me. Mike and I like to think of Garrett in heaven with Jesus, that he won't feel pain or sadness or get in trouble or anything like that. We like to think of how we'll see him again, transfigured and everything God intended Man to be. I don't think I could cope if I didn't truly believe that there's a greater Plan with an ultimately good God behind it. The verse that Mike clings to is Romans 8:28:
And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

Since last Sunday, Mike and I have clung closer together. We appreciate so, so much about our life:
we have incredible friends.
our family is possibly the best family ever.
we have the coolest daughter ever.
there's no one in the world we'd rather endure this with than each other.

I told Mike this morning that if baby Garrett's life does nothing else but draw us all closer to each other and closer to God, nothing else but make his mama and papa love each other and appreciate each other more than ever, then that's a darn good legacy for a baby.

Thank you all for your support, prayers, love, acts of service, and the list goes on. There were times this week that nothing else was holding us up but your love and prayers and we thank you, thank you, thank you.

Remember, Christina Rosetti

REMEMBER me when I am gone away,    
Gone far away into the silent land;    
When you can no more hold me by the hand,    
Nor I half turn to go, yet turning stay.    
Remember me when no more day by day  
You tell me of our future that you plann'd:    
Only remember me; you understand    
It will be late to counsel then or pray.    
Yet if you should forget me for a while    
And afterwards remember, do not grieve: 
For if the darkness and corruption leave    
A vestige of the thoughts that once I had,    
Better by far you should forget and smile    
Than that you should remember and be sad. 

Back from the Beach!

Hello, hello! We just got back from our first vacation together in a couple of years! Last year, Autumn and I spent Memorial Day weekend with Mike's family in Florida and this year Mike got to join us. It was seriously a great trip that we all needed.

Autumn was way pumped about going to the beach and has been incessantly talking about how she was going swim, play in the sand, and build a castle with P'd. Honestly, I didn't entirely believe her because, historically, she'll get really excited about stuff like this and then have a heart attack when the reality actually appears. Here she is being excited:


And, what do you know? My little big girl frolicked in the waves like she does it every day.


She's still not quite as comfortable rolling around in the water as Tyler is. He was hilarious to watch running through the surf. Autumn played like a madwoman until she got NAILED by a wave and then she got a little more cautious. I shouldn't have laughed but I totally did. This is a bit before the wipeout. You can tell because she's standing there without someone holding her hand. :D


I don't know why, but I really like this picture. Also, this is swimsuit number 2 of 5, hahaha. Nothing like having enough swimsuits to put on a dry one post-nap!


Okay, how crazy is this? This is Autumn. Walking. in. the. pool. When did she get so big???


For real, guys. She's growing up so darn fast. This was also the first summer she's gone without any kind of swimmy diaper/pullups.


Anyway, I have more pictures but I'll have to post them later. Here's a quick pic of the sunset Friday night...it was really beautiful. I came back inside and told Mike I thought I might need to learn some more about my camera to take good sunset photos.


And, just as a quick baby update for some of you guys who haven't heard: I saw the high risk doctor last week because baby Garrett had dropped in the weight percentiles again and because the cyst on the placenta is still there. The doctor was super, super nice and so was the ultrasound lady who took about 45 minutes on my ultrasound--crazy stuff! It sounds like I don't need to stay with the high risk doctor because although the percentages are down, they aren't low enough to be concerned. He also thinks that the cyst is just an anomaly that isn't going to cause any actual problems. I see my doctor again Thursday so I'll get her take on things then. In the meantime, I am feeling pretty decent except that my legs and feet are swelling like craaaazy. And Autumn is getting really excited about baby Garrett getting here. She spent a good chunk of the trip hovering over Hudson, which was sweet.


Until next time!

So much for lazy days...

It's been a crazy week with appointments and meetings and stuff...next week is just as crazy. I wonder why it happens that way? Nothing for a while and then pow SO MUCH TO DO.

I don't have pictures of this, but last weekend I went to what's probably my last martial arts seminar until after baby Garrett arrives. I wish I did have pictures though because they are probably hilarious. We did some really fun stuff with the guys from Innovative Martial Arts in Michigan, the same group whose seminar I attended back in September. Saturday I didn't do a whole lot other than videotape because the Sunday material is what I really wanted to do. Even so, that was a lot of walking and standing and both nights I ended up zombie walking around and counting the moments until Autumn went to bed and I could go soak my old bones in the tub, hahaha.

Later in the week, we took Molly to a new vet. Some of you have read about this on facebook and I'm sorry for the repeat but it's just so funny. She did great. I just dropped her off to be groomed and get the shots all at once and she was really chill when I picked her up. They suggested that I get her teeth cleaned for the first time in 8 years so I set that up for Friday. When I picked her up, the lady was all, "your cat is so sweet, I bet you can brush her teeth regularly on your own." I laughed. And laughed. Because, seriously. This is how most people think of Molly:


I've heard more than one person lament that she's so pretty and yet so evil. I mean, she has her moments and she's way better with Autumn than I would have imagined but...dude. This is Molly. Even Mike said he's rather spend the cash to have someone else brush her teeth rather than try it himself and Molly likes Mike.

That same day, Autumn and I went to the dentist, too. It was her first time and she did better than I expected. If you ask her how she did, she'll tell you, "I was very brave." She showed how she brushes her teeth and then they brushed her teeth for her. She got her teeth counted (20) and picked out a toothbrush. I was surprised. I thought for sure she'd get a princess toothbrush but she ended choosing a Sesame Street one. She likes Zoe. She also really liked the "tiny toothpaste" that she got. It's crazy because I remember when she only had like one tooth...
'

Apparently her one tooth stage was also her chunky monkey stage. :D

On a completely different note, I've had the urge to make lumpia for a while now. This weekend I finally managed to actually follow through. It's kind of an involved process but it's so worth it. If you've never had lumpia, you simply must sometime. I couldn't find spring roll wrappers at the store, which was weird. So I ended up going to the mexican korean market. I love going there because it's so random but the store isn't in an area I'm in much so I don't get there often enough. This trip, I ran across this tea and was so tickled I emailed a picture to Mike.


Vigorous Man Tea. :D

Anyway, I haven't made lumpia in over a year so there are some tweaks I need to make but it was pretty good. Autumn thought so, at least. I don't know why but I thought she was hilarious at dinner. She loves rice so she was shoveling it down like she'd never eat again. She kept saying, "mmmm, num num." And even though she rarely asks for seconds, she wanted more lumpia. And her hair...well...


Next week should be a crazy week but in a good way...we're closing on the house in Lakeland tomorrow, yay! I have my ultrasound and Autumn has her 4 year appointment. We also have some other fun stuff planned but I'll wait to blog about THAT next week.